This is hard

Ok, time to 'fess up. I did not know who Jillian is. Nor had I ever hear of this Bob. Two of our challengers -- Jessica and Amy -- have referenced these people in posts, and only thanks to Google do I now know they are among "The Biggest Loser" trainers. God, I am SO OUT OF IT.

That sort of sums up the current mood.

First, I love Abby Jorgensen, the Lifetime Fitness Personal Trainer who has been assigned to my sorry case. I like her brisk attitude, her personal experience as a high school jock, her youth, and just talking to her in general about life. But do we really have to EXERCISE together?

Yes, I know.

Had my first session with her Monday. It was all basically OK -- 5 minutes of cardio to warm up, then a bunch of strength training reps -- although the upper arm exercise is just plain sadistic. Abby made me feel better, tho. "Even I hate this one," she confessed.

I was pleased, also, to hear from the dietician Leslie, who called Monday on MLK Day. I swear, I don't really "work-work," but I am always running around doing something, and it is still usually for someone else -- this time I was delivering pies to dear friends. Leslie called just to chat, to see how things are going, and I was honest with her, because I can tell: she really cares.

I am losing weight slowly, very very slowly (as in 1 lb). I am just now getting acclimated to the gym and revving up my metabolism. It is a struggle; this is hard.

The only thing I have to offer is the vantage point of age: at 62, I can assure you I've been around this block before. When I was younger, the pressure was always on: have to lose 15 or 30 or whatever pounds by Christmas break; have to drop 3 lbs. a day; have to get to 105 by August. It never ended.

And the result? You got it. Even before there was the word "anorexia" bandied around, my periods stopped....(so did Abby's, in college; mine was a high school fast/starvation diet over 9 months that did me in). I am living proof that fasting/starvation DO NOT WORK. (Nor does the beer diet, but that is another story).

I can also testify that slow and easy is, for me, the only way to go.

So it is hard. But I think I am finally doing it the right way.

Still, I feel as if I am letting people down --- sorry Dr. Branyas. I want to peel off those pounds in time for the reward we all want, whatever that is; I want to be (even at my age) "a good girl."

But guess what? I am not perfect, I am going to give up my perfectionism, and I so appreciate the support I got from Leslie when I expressed this. XXXXOOOOO

This, for me, is a slow and steady race; I am taking the long view...a marathon, not a sprint.

Anyhow, it IS hard. But the support from AHA and all the women and men working on our behalf, giving of their time and energy, and the other challengers, God bless and love you each -- too awesome for words.

Take that, Bob and Jillian....wherever you are.